Brain Droppings

Author : George Carlin
Publisher : Hachette Books
ISBN 13 : 0306835541
Total Pages : 280 pages
Book Rating : 4.44/5 ( download)

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Download or read book Brain Droppings written by George Carlin and published by Hachette Books. This book was released on 2023-10-10 with total page 280 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Sometimes, a little brain damage can help. A book of original humor pieces by beloved comic George Carlin. Filled with thoughts, musings, questions, lists, beliefs, curiosities, monologues, assertions, assumptions, and other verbal ordeals, Brain Droppings is infectiously funny. Also included are two timeless monologues, "A Place for Your Stuff" and "Baseball-Football." Readers will get an inside look into Carlin's mind, and they won't be disappointed by what they find: I buy stamps by mail. It works OK until I run out of stamps. What year did Jesus Christ think it was? A tree: first you chop it down, then you chop it up. Have you ever noticed the lawyer is always smiling more than the client? I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed. If you ever have chicken at lunch and chicken at dinner, do you ever wonder if the two chickens knew each other? Carlin demolishes everyday values and yet leaves you laughing out loud.

Author : George Carlin
Publisher : Hachette UK
ISBN 13 : 0786871598
Total Pages : 272 pages
Book Rating : 4.99/5 ( download)

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Download or read book Napalm & Silly Putty written by George Carlin and published by Hachette UK. This book was released on 2001-07-01 with total page 272 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A hilarious new collection of razor-sharp observations from the New York Times bestselling author of Brain Droppings. Few comics make the transition from stage to page as smoothly or successfully as George Carlin. Brain Droppings spent a total of 40 weeks on the New York Times bestseller list, and this new one is certain to tickle even more ribs (and rattle a few more cages) with its characteristically ironic take on life's annoying universal truths. In Napalm & Silly Putty, Carlin doesn't steer clear of the tough issues, preferring instead to look life boldly in the eye to pose the questions few dare to ask: How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on TV that it's a spy satellite? Why do they bother saying "raw sewage"? Do some people cook that stuff? In the expression "topsy-turvy," what exactly is meant by "turvy"? And he makes some startling observations, including: Most people with low self-esteem have earned it. Guys don't seem to be called "Lefty" anymore. Most people don't know what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. Carlin also waxes wickedly philosophical on all sorts of subjects, including: KIDS--They're not all cute. In fact, if you look at them closely, some of them are rather unpleasant looking. And a lot of them don't smell too good either. DEATH ROW--If you're condemned to die they have to give you one last meal of your own request. What is that all about? A group of people plan to kill you, so they want you to eat something you like? Add to the mix "The Ten Most Embarrassing Songs of All Time," "The 20th Century Hostility Scoreboard," and "People I Can Do Without," and you have an irresistibly insouciant assortment of musings, questions, assertions, and assumptions guaranteed to please the millions of fans waiting for the next Carlin collection--and the millions more waiting to discover this comic genius.

Author : George Carlin
Publisher : Hachette Books
ISBN 13 : 1401381715
Total Pages : 320 pages
Book Rating : 4.14/5 ( download)

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Download or read book When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? written by George Carlin and published by Hachette Books. This book was released on 2004-10-01 with total page 320 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: On the heels of George Carlin's #1 New York Times bestseller Napalm & Silly Putty comes When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?--infused with Carlin's trademark irreverent humor and biting cultural observations. Here we go again . . . George Carlin's hilarious When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? offers his cutting-edge opinions and observational humor on everything from evasive euphemistic language to politicians to the media to dead people. Nothing and no one is safe! Despite the current climate of political correctness, Carlin is not afraid to take on controversial topics: Carlin on the media: The media comprises equal parts business, politics, advertising, public relations, and show business. Nice combination. Enough bull for Texas to open a chain of branch offices. Carlin on the battle of the sexes: Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. Carlin on hygiene: When did they pass a law that says the people who make my sandwich have to be wearing gloves? I'm not comfortable with this. I don't want glove residue all over my food; it's not sanitary. Who knows where these gloves have been? Carlin on evasive language: Just to demonstrate how far using euphemisms in language has gone, some psychologists are now actually referring to ugly people as those with "severe appearance deficits." Hey, Doctor. How's that for "denial"? Carlin on politics: No self-respecting politician would ever admit to working in the government. They prefer to think of themselves "serving the nation." To help visualize the service they provide the country, you may wish to picture the things that take place on a stud farm. The thinking person's comic who uses words as weapons, Carlin puts voice to issues that capture the modern imagination. For instance, why are there Ten Commandments? Are UFOs real? What will the future really be like? This brand-new collection tackles all that and more. In When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? Carlin's razor-sharp observations demolish everyday values and leave you laughing out loud--delivering exactly what his countless fans have been waiting for.

Author : George Carlin
Publisher : Peter Pauper Press, Inc.
ISBN 13 : 9781593598747
Total Pages : 92 pages
Book Rating : 4.42/5 ( download)

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Download or read book The Best of Brain Droppings written by George Carlin and published by Peter Pauper Press, Inc.. This book was released on 2007-06 with total page 92 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: With his signature dark and daring humor drawn from everyday life, the world at large, and the vagaries of the English language, George Carlin offers his creative finest in The Best of Braindroppings. From the random braindropping ("When you sneeze, all the numbers in your head go up by one.") to favorite oxymorons ("holy war," for one), and from questions to ponder ("Why are there no B batteries?" for instance) to his classic monologue comparing baseball and football, this little book packs in a lot of laughs.

Author : Jeannie Tyrrell
Publisher : Fulton Books, Inc.
ISBN 13 : 164654403X
Total Pages : 108 pages
Book Rating : 4.35/5 ( download)

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Download or read book Brain Drops written by Jeannie Tyrrell and published by Fulton Books, Inc.. This book was released on 2020-09-10 with total page 108 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Brain Drops is an out-of-the-ordinary story of self-discovery. The journey follows a young woman as she fights her way back to reality. After a physical blow to the head, she was propelled into the warm and comfortable land of fantasy. Every time she taps back into the world that continues to spin around her, she wonders if it is worth the battle. Brain Drops is a raw, revelatory, and incredibly entertaining memoir that also provides a glimpse of what’s been going on inside the braincase of society.

Author : George Carlin
Publisher :
ISBN 13 : 9780894712715
Total Pages : 33 pages
Book Rating : 4.13/5 ( download)

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Download or read book Sometimes a Little Brain Damage Can Help written by George Carlin and published by . This book was released on 1984 with total page 33 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt:

Author : Heather L. Montgomery
Publisher : Bloomsbury Publishing USA
ISBN 13 : 1547603488
Total Pages : 193 pages
Book Rating : 4.80/5 ( download)

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Download or read book Who Gives a Poop? written by Heather L. Montgomery and published by Bloomsbury Publishing USA. This book was released on 2020-10-13 with total page 193 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Follow scientist Heather L. Montgomery into science labs, forests, hospitals, and landfills, as she asks: Who uses poo? Poop is disgusting, but it's also packed with potential. One scientist spent months training a dog to track dung to better understand elephant birthing patterns. Another discovered that mastodon poop years ago is the reason we enjoy pumpkin pie today. And every week, some folks deliver their own poop to medical facilities, where it is swirled, separated, and shipped off to a hospital to be transplanted into another human. There's even a train full of human poop sludge that's stuck without a home in Alabama! This irreverent and engaging narrative nonfiction book shows that poop isn't just waste-and that dealing with it responsibly is our duty.

Author : Sally Wade
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
ISBN 13 : 1451611404
Total Pages : 308 pages
Book Rating : 4.03/5 ( download)

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Download or read book The George Carlin Letters written by Sally Wade and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2011-11-01 with total page 308 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A unique illustrated memoir by Sally Wade, the love of George Carlin’s life for ten years, THE GEORGE CARLIN LETTERS: THE PERMANENT COURTSHIP OF SALLY WADE is a collection of never-before-seen writings and artwork by the late great comedian (representing at least 1/3 of the text in the book), woven into Wade’s beautifully told chronicle of the last ten years of their life together. The book provides a rare glimpse into the man behind the legend. George Carlin wrote to Sally daily—notes, postcard, letters…he even started fights on paper; the title is taken from his very last note, which Sally found propped up on her computer upon returning from the hospital the day he died. One of the greatest love stories ever told…hilariously, until the release of this book, no one but Sally has ever seen this side of George Carlin. And everyone is guaranteed to fall in love with both of them.

Author : George Carlin
Publisher : Hachette UK
ISBN 13 : 0306827107
Total Pages : 336 pages
Book Rating : 4.05/5 ( download)

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Download or read book A Modern Man written by George Carlin and published by Hachette UK. This book was released on 2021-11-02 with total page 336 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A new collection of greatest hits from one of the greatest comedians of our time, George Carlin, now the subject of the HBO documentary George Carlin’s American Dream, directed by Judd Apatow and Michael Bonfiglio George Carlin was: “a true, true artist” (Chris Rock)…”the master” (Jon Stewart)…“one of the Mount Rushmore guys in our profession” (Jerry Seinfeld)…“the comedian’s comedian” (Jay Leno)…“an icon for comedy” (Margaret Cho)…”a deep thinker and a very, very funny man” (Lily Tomlin)…“one of my heroes” (Stephen Colbert)…“brilliant” (Joan Rivers)… You can’t talk about comedy legends without talking George Carlin. Named the greatest standup of all time by XM Radio’s “All Time Comedy Greats” (and #2 by both Comedy Central and Rolling Stone), Carlin garnered multiple gold records, 4 Grammys, 6 Emmy nominations, and the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. He was the first host of SNL, appeared on the Tonight Show some 130 times, and acted in beloved films like Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure and Dogma. Dubbed “the dean of counterculture comedians,” there was no one like George Carlin. Featuring a foreword by Lewis Black and an introduction by Carlin's longtime best friend and manager, A Modern Man is a perfect introduction for new fans and a must-have for longtime fans, showcasing the longevity, range, and—above all—hilarity of the master. Filled with thoughts, musings, questions, lists, beliefs, curiosities, monologues, assertions, assumptions, and other delicious verbal ordeals, it is drop-dead funny tour through Carlin’s singular mind. More than ten years after his death, Carlin’s characteristically ironic takes on life's annoying universal truths remain thoughtful, fearless, and somehow more relevant than ever.

Author : Gilbert Gottfried
Publisher : St. Martin's Press
ISBN 13 : 9781429978569
Total Pages : 288 pages
Book Rating : 4.62/5 ( download)

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Download or read book Rubber Balls and Liquor written by Gilbert Gottfried and published by St. Martin's Press. This book was released on 2011-04-26 with total page 288 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Nobody ever reads this part of the book. Somebody at the publishing house explained to me that it's actually called the book flap. That sounded dirty, so I giggled for three hours. But it says in my contract that I have to write something over here in this tiny space, even though I don't think anyone will notice. Some people might open up to the middle of the book and start flipping through pages, but nobody will read this part. In fact, I'll bet anything that you're not reading this part now. And if it turns out that you are . . . well, the guy in the bookstore is probably staring at you, saying, "Stop reading that book!" I guess there's a reason bookstores are going out of business, left and right. Cheap fucks like you think it's okay to stand in the aisles and read to your heart's content. So for the sake of bookstores everywhere, buy this fucking book. I myself don't care. I only care about the poor working man. Oh, and the sanctity of the written word. I care about that, too. And in my case, those written words, of course, include fuck, dick, and pussy.